Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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