You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
