Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Randomize
