so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
