capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
