addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Randomize
