Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
This is classic penis vs brain.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
I love you. Go after that dick
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