im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
