A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
