Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Randomize
