I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Randomize
