Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
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