It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
It's shark week go big or go home
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
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