the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
