We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Randomize
