Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
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