Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
