haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize
