he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Randomize