is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
