Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Randomize
