omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize