You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
Buhtt sex?
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
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