ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Randomize
