I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
