Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Randomize
