return my video game
smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
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