only if we run a train.
done.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Randomize
