grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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