You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
