he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
the day after is always just damage control
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
