So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
At least make sure they are 18
Why
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
