oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
