I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
whose parrot is this?
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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