i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
honey bunches of taint.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize