I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Randomize
