I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
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