I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Randomize
