I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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