dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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