And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Randomize
