We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
