i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
