1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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