Jerry, you need to find god
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize