I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
You need Xanax blowdarts
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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