Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
I think im going to throw up on grandma
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
