I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
