i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Randomize
