We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Is that strawberry winking at me??
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
