i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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