Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Randomize
