Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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