Already got asked if we're dating
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
