So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
