Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
