I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
