I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
