my room smells like sperm. sweet.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Randomize
