I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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