Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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