Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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