yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Randomize
