I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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