dude i'm inner monologue high
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
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